Size Guide
Look, skip the guesswork so you don't look like you're wearing a tent. Below you'll find charts for our four apparel styles with sizes stretching all the way up to 4XL. Each table breaks down four critical measurements (in inches and centimeters) to ensure the fit is just right. Take a second to check the numbers before you order. Not sure how to measure? There is a guide further down the page.
The Essential T-Shirts
Cozy Sweatshirts
Mediumweight Hoodies
The V-Neck Tees
IMPORTANT: I DON'T DO THE EXCHANGE THING.
Items are printed just for you. Exchanges are only for damage or if you somehow get sent the wrong thing. Everything else is on you. Don't make it weird.
HOW TO USE A TAPE MEASURE
- Dig the tape measure out of the junk drawer—it’s probably under the old batteries.
- Don't sigh it won't take long.
- Lay your favorite shirt flat; we’re measuring the threads, not your actual self.
- Pull the tape across the chest, then go from collar to bottom hem.
- For sleeves, start from the center of the back.
- Compare your numbers to our chart.
- In between sizes? Just pick your vibe below and move on with your life.
THE PARANOID FIT
Tight. Like you're being interrogated by the tax man. Shows off exactly how much effort you aren't putting into your core. Size down if you enjoy restricted breathing.
THE WHATEVER FIT
Regular fit. It’s a shirt. It fits like a shirt. Not too tight, not too loose. Perfectly average, just like every middle management job you have tolerated.
THE HIDING FIT
Oversized. For those days you don't want the world to see you exist. Plenty of room for existential dread and a few extra carbs. Size up for maximum invisibility.